Personal Development to Death? are you doing it wrong??

Personal development is a journey, a long one and somewhere along this journey you may ask yourself “what am I doing?” The big issue with personal development is that it is a qualitative subject and as such can’t be easily measured.


Qualitative things are feelings, emotions, impressions. Why do people feel that something has more than something else, it is the quality factor we need? The difference between a European-made car and a Korean one. There is nothing wrong with the Korean car but, who doesn’t want a BMW over a Kia, PS. I drive a Kia.

Personal development is all qualitative, are you feeling better than you did? do you react better than you did? Do you self manage your time, resources, emotions better than you did? the only way to know it to track your improvements. The issue is that after a while because of the gradual improvements you are no longer comparing yourself to your old self because you can’t even see where you began.

Personal development is like learning to ride a bike. You see others doing it and doing better than you. You will struggle and fall, but sooner or later you realize hey I’m doing it, and with that flash of realization you fall again.

If you feel you’re doing it to death and not making any ground you are not alone, I too think I’m self developed to death some times, BUT THEN when I’m stopped and talking to someone I realize how far I have come and how much that relationship has changed because of who I now am.

The question to ask yourself is for what purpose are you on this journey?

Never ask a why question a why question is both lazy and one that gets the person its asked of, onto the defensive. When asked why we need to justify ourselves and the natural response is one of defensiveness.

Asking for what purpose instead this will drive you into the reason or why, exploring it without rationalizing it. If you look into your own personal development journey and ask, for what purpose am I doing this? You will get a far different answer than why am I doing this?

You don’t have to go insanely deep but spend time thinking what are you trying to achieve, for what purpose are you doing this? If you don’t have a clear purpose (not a why) slow progress will always be discouraging.

Personal development is a journey, a personal journey don’t be comparing your progress to that of others. That is the guaranteed way to feel inadequate, or sometimes superior.

The golden Rules or personal development

  1. Be patient with yourself, it takes over 10 years for a walnut tree to produce nuts. The habits you are working on didn’t get there overnight why are you expecting them to leave like that?
  2. Stop comparing to others, everyone is on a different journey while it may look like the same direction even your spouse will go at a different speed.
  3. Don’t judge, instead be curious when we judge something it closes off our thoughts for further investigation, instead always be curious.
  4. Look back, if you can’t see improvement in yourself ask someone else if they can.
  5. Smell the roses, it is OK to take a break, have a slow day, Netflix or whatever, just don’t do it for to long, or it will become the new normal again.

I believe we can learn from everyone, sometimes its just what we don’t want to be doing, and if we are avoiding certain behaviors, that is still growth, personal growth, or as we also know it Personal Development.

Scott Fleming

I am a Counselor, Coach, Business trainer, passionate about getting people to a new level of productivity.